alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
