i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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