We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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