um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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