we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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