i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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