I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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