I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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