I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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