White coat. Heels.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
