Everything about him screamed your future.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
