so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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