Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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