I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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