you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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