I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
