I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
