Ketchup is God's man juice
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize