I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
