Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
COCAINE IS GR8
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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