That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
