I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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