I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
