You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
