I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
