I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
