it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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