I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
