he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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