The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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