I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
