i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
