I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
