It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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