You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
