Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
