Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
