it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
