My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
