Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
