good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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