if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
