he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
