She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
