I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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