Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
