This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
