idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
