Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
