i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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