Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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