My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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