my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
where are you?
Hypothermia
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
