the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
