my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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