She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
