TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
