I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
4 words: hood of his car
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
