Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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