Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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