I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
