everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
