babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
