So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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