handjob tips. give me some.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
