Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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