ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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